:: Porkchop Serum ::

:: Saturday, May 31, 2003 ::

By the way, why have you started smoking up again? A lot of money especially if instead of bringing your creativity to the surface, it buries it deeper.

:: sandy 10:43 PM [+] ::
...

Feel no shame in you unwillingness to call. I am, unfortunately, in no condition to respond. Sinister, vomit spewing, acid demons crept into my abode only three night ago and laid eggs of bile and corrosion in my mouth. Underneath my tongue on the right side are three canker sores that have rendered me depressed, alone and in excruciating agony. Three little white circles, one quarter inch in diameter have toppled my six foot, two hundred and fourty five pound frame. I am unable to eat anything solid since the simple thought of hard, sharp, elusive, spicy or salty bits of food in my mouth brings tears of pain to my eyes. Even swallowing LIQUIDS which moves my tongue across my teeth, makes me wince. And forget speaking. Just recite a simple sentence but be aware of how active your tongue is, moving back and forth across your teeth. Its just not worth the torture. and thats what it is. Constant pain that can only be described as torture.

I can't eat, beyond soup or smoothies. I won't speak unless absolutely necessary. I had to cancel going to Erin Dempseys party on Saturday because of these MOTHERFUCKING CANKERS!! Idle party chitchat? out of the question. Snacking on chips and crackers? a recipe for agony.

Ceaseless Pain..... aarrghhhhhhh.

:: sandy 10:39 PM [+] ::
...

"PISS on you FOUL FECAL GODS!!!"

Strange wispy demons continue to rain clods of petrified dung upon me. Each wearing the distorted face of a long ago friend, distended and bloated from recent death. Laughing hysterically, rotating slowly towards the east, ten of these cloud devils had burst forth, casting sickly pale light into the midnight air. Weary from insomnia, I brought forth my axe and laid it across my shoulders, saving the last bits of strength for whatever came next

They cried out in unison, "FOOOOOooollll! We are all resting confortably among the flowers!!! Are you?! Fairies serve us and and Elves bathe us. Forever we will remain in our happiness!! Look at us laughing!!! AHAHAHAHH. Look at your miserable feet, all earthen and cracked! WoooooHOOOOOOOOOOooo, the Gnomes come to play.. Farewell Corpse!!!!!!!!!!"

I dropped my belongings, collapsed in the dirt and played Chess with a precocious Warthog named Tulip for the rest of the sunlit day. The message from my past had wounded me deeply and I did not know how to file it away amongst the Quests and Triumphs and Victories and Loves. My Journey had halted and dreams of pleasure and ease were stuck like slivers under my warrior fingernails. "Could I be wrong to drag this sack of flesh past the barbs and spiny thorns? Is this my destiny? Should I hop back onto the rutted and busy road and leave the brambles and foulness behind? Tulip!?"

Tulip walked over to a pretty yellow hallucinogenic daisy and shat upon its delicate petals. The smell was deafening. "Understand now?" Tulip grunted.

Keeping my stomach under control, I lowered my gaze back to the game only to find myself in checkmate. My subsequent esophageal eruption blanketed the mossy treetrunks surrounding my impromptu campsite.
I passed out from the double-barrel olfactory onslaught and drempt of Schitzophrenic Thespian Equine.

:: sandy 4:24 PM [+] ::
...

From within a soft and cleansing rainfall, I pulled my axe from the third stalker. It had sunk in so easily but now I felt like the Once and Future king, using my foot and all my strength to extract the shiny steel from the fleshy log. Matt had crafted my weapon, calling upon long forgotten ancestral spirits and tapping a heretofore unknown artistry, with barbs and knifelets adorning the great, wide blade. "Fuckin fruitcake", I half heartedly muttered knowing full well that that which made the axe so complicated, and now required more than a few minutes worth of cleaning, how proven to be the deciding factor in this latest encounter.

A mighty swing exploded through the first mans torso, trailing bits and pieces outward. I caught a glipse of the mans heart before he tumbled awkwardly between two fallen trees. I must have looked quite the sight, perched atop a small mossy hill in the last few minutes before sunset, entrails and organs dangled from the end of the thick carbon fiber handled axe. Manipulating the fierce killing tool had already awoken the heart in my chest and the buzzing in my ears let me know of the flood of adrenaline now coursing through me.

I let the axe slide through my hands out to the very end of the handle and helicoptered myself about, and right as the axehead had gained tremendous momentum I lifted my arms up and brought the blunt end down squarely on the head of the foolish second attacker. The blow obliterated his skull, showering the remaining foe with brainmatter. The downward progess was slowed briefly by the mans armor and sternum, only to continue a split second later when I heard the upper thigh bones burst free from their connection at the hip, driving them deep into the mans abdomen. He stuck there, upright in the dirt.

From the cliffs edge, I gazed upon the expanse of urban landscape below. With my axe finally clean, oiled and secure on my back, I slipped and slid down a narrow animal trail. Shot had supposedly arrive 4 weeks prior, assuming he too had emerged from the Bleve Forest unscathered and unhindered. These advance parties set after us by the Sentient Yellows will not be the last. I'll need Shot's help or this quest will end before it begins.

:: sandy 2:36 AM [+] ::
...