:: Porkchop Serum ::

:: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 ::

Second only to some godforsaken town in Libya, the second highest ground temperature ever recorded was in Death Valley in 1913. 134 degrees Farenheit. I take a certain amount of pride in that for some reason. Maybe because it makes me laugh at those bitch-ass Londonites whining about the weather and that today they recorded their highest recorded temperatures ever. 95 degrees.. WUSSIES!!!

Sean: how about you make yourself some tastee treats instead? Also, if you happen to find anything interesting, let me know and we can put it up.

:: sandy 5:58 PM [+] ::
...

I'm nearing my third transect of UnderCity. My weapons are dulling and slightly rusty. Comm gear dangles from every load-hook on my harness, clanging like a muted, plastic and metal wind chime. It's times like this that I find noodles most delicious. Perched over a blood red formica counter top, sounds of my ferocious slurping and a cacophony of static and atonal wailings raised nary an eyebrow. Except one. The slender Mooner drifted toward me as if caught in a crosswind. She ran her long, pale fingers into my matted mop, tracing a long scar from the back of my skull around to a gritty cheek. "Are you OK?"

In a moment of RF silence, I lowered my spoon and responded, "I can't find Matt"

:: sandy 10:49 PM [+] ::
...

A new feature floating in the Porkchop Serum: Things I've Found

Episode One: The Metro


The Envelope: Front Back Top

I crashed at Ben's following the massively derailed Bachelor Party and wandered off to the metro at around 10am. The yellow line was fairly empty being only three stops into its southbound route so I had a whole end section to myself. I found the envelope on the floor. The front and back sort make sense together imagining them written by a disaffected Arab youth. Actually, my limited knowledge of Arabic leads me to believe that it was indeed written by a native Arabic writer and speaker. Take for instance the last "S" in CHRISTIANS which has a sharp corner. To me it looks very familiar to what happens when you combine certain letter in Arabic and they start to pile on top of each other. Ah, you probably don't believe me and I'm probably racist for assuming an Arabic speaker wrote it. FUCK YOU TOO!

The Top piece is curious and casts into doubt the motives of the writer as it's an arguably anti-religion, anti-fudamentalist statement


The Business Card: Front Back

I found this gem folded up as small as possible and jammed in between the seat and the wall of the train. I had the impulse to actually call this parole officer and go, "Dude, call whomever you're supposed to meet with on the 11th and remind his ass." I didn't. I'm kinda curious whats going to happen on the 11th. Is this parolee just going to not show up? Is his parole officer going to be pissed and send out people to find him? Was the parolee sitting on the metro, looking at this business card and decided just to fuck it all and go on the lam? Damn, I wish I knew.

:: sandy 9:40 PM [+] ::
...

A grand night where soon to "die" bachelors are celebrated, inebriated, and ultimately incapacitated. Accursed spirits trounce a jolly reunion between the Skinned songbird and the Washington Metro William and Mary Asshole Association (WMWMAA).

The night begins pacing alone, outside the cozy confines of the Latrobe. Only last night many beers, brewed in the apartment building's namesake Pennsylvania town, were consumed in the soft glow of Carey Lowell. A zonked Te and Ben finally emerge and a violaceous Adam approaches from down 15th street.

After a 83 block journey, during which I pledged to make Ben rue the day he maligned Cosi. My first thoughts for a punishment involve a forcible enrollment in the nearby Church of Scientology. At the very least it would result in Ben offending a very strange collection of psuedo-religionites. A win-win situation.

Properly (im?) moistened by the oppressive DC humidity, our foursome meet up with the remaining three. Together at Thaiphoon are Me, Te, A-dogg, PAD, Skinner, Ben and Jaime. I dined on Crispy Hot Flounder (highly recommended), despite the likelihood of a high price. No meaningful conversation to be found. We move on.

Buffalo Billiards consumes our attention for the next few hours. The crew accrues a $230 tab, my share a pleasent $20 dollars. Much fun had without the aid of any alcohol. Unfortunately, the same was not the case for our brave terminal bachelor. Lets see, Jaegermeister, Tequila, Kamikaze, Lemon Drop.. those were the shots I remember. On the surface, not an obscene amount of drink. The difference was Te's ordering scheme, the main tenet seemed to be an ever decreasing pause in between subsequent shots. In the end, speed of delivery rather than amount.

We move upstairs to Frontpage to chill and wait for Drew Z to appear. Frontpage, the location where the night before, Te and I made a hasty and calculated retreat from a soul-crushing throng. Adam receives the praise of Steena, a very boisterous fashion writer for the San Francisco Chronicle. Apparently purple Ralph Loren is "IN". Additional fashion tips included pale yellow shirts, light pink and silver/grey ties. Sounds very Crockett and Tubbs if you ask me. It's during this time that Skinner slipped off to the bathroom and threw in the towel for the night. A shame because we had one more waypoint to go.

The Knight of the Round decend on homebase, to rest and recuperate from a long night of defeating foes. And who's is there to welcome us back but some thoroughly FREAKY maidens. Honestly, I'm not one for getting into the strip clubs and all but it was DAMN fun! Plus, folded dollar bills kept being shoved in my face by Ben going, "GO dude GO" The fairest of them all, well, at least the clear crowd favorite was Becca, the Matrix-lookin freaknasty. Ben continued to live vicariously through me by giving Becca the idea to _hug_ me on her victory lap around the crowd. Bizarre and highly entertaining. Too bad that Te wasn't into it.

A final gorging at a late night Fuddruckers and it was off to crash at Ben's joint. Saturday: 0 WMWMAA: 1

:: sandy 9:19 PM [+] ::
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